Talking to the Lord

In the car on the way home. J is driving we are both exhausted...left over from the virus that has found us. We sit in traffic the light is red.
J: chance god damn it I am tired and want to go home
the light changes.
M: impressive pray technique, he responded well.
J: yes direct and to the point.
M: I suppose it is better than beg and plead.
J: would you respond to that?
M: no you are right I would not nor would I to whine and shout.
J: I don't think God listens to that.
M: well at least he shouldn't sort of teaches beings that attitude gets a response.

deaths

This year starts with death. A life long friend, Beverly passes away and providence is the only way I learn of the passing. The world is colder and there is an emptiness.
Aunt Helen will soon move to the other dimension. And there is a heaviness that sits on my shelf and stares back at me. Once again beckoning the question what is it all about. It doesn't seem to help to reason that it was disease that got Jane this last summer or Beverly was just tired having spent her life caring for everyone else. I can console myself now she will be cared for in a way that we earthly beings could not do. And Helen well she is old 90 something. Still there is no joy in the passing of loved ones. Death holds no sweetness.